Dear DanielAjumobi.com Reader,
Today, I want You and I to look deeper into our lives and check our thought patterns – mindset, so we can deal with all forms of limitation. Bacause Life is complicated on it’s own, but we have a tendency to complicate it even more, with our thoughts and our actions.
There are moments in life when we feel that the world might be against us and you even see that in the actions of others as well. Other times, it simply feels like you exist for the betterment of others.
And so, I have been thinking and asking; How do we start focusing on ourselves when other people seem to always get in the way? And why do we feel bad when we do things we know we should never apologize for?
Hence my discovery; although it might not feel good in the moment, there usually comes a time to stand your ground and make concious choices that directly impact your future, even if this means you’re going to lose some people along the way.
And this brings us to the 11 Things You Should NEVER (Apologize) Say I’M SORRY For:
Number 1: Wanting to Be Better
Never ever say You are sorry for trying to better yourself.
There’s a specific type of pressure or attitude you will get from people when they see you struggle to better yourself. They will not want you to succeed, because if you do so, that means they are a failure by comparison.
They will mock your attempts, and try to push their own agendas or beliefs. These people could even be your friends or family members trying to stop you from pursuing your goals and instead they try to shift your actions towards mediocrity, sometimes unconciously.
You can do better if you put the time and work in, there are countless examples of people who have made it out of environments way harsher than what you’re dealing with.
The sad part is that these people who will try to hold you down, are exactly the type of people you would need to support you and on some deeper level, you will feel heartbroken but please remain focus, good times are ahead. Don’t apologize to anyone for been a goal-getter. Never ever.
Number 2: Leaving Toxic People Behind
Don’t you ever say you are sorry for leaving toxic people behind in your life.
Sometimes, you have to cut old friends off. Life happens, we each make our choices and sometimes you grow into different people, with different values and different expectations.
Life is a lot more enjoyable when you are surrounded by people who are actively trying to push you forward and for whom you would do the same.
You are just growing your wings my friend, you don’t need people holding you down as you learn how to fly.
If you are the first in your circle to make it, offer your help to others and bring them up as well, but be careful, not everybody is willing to fly with you. So please leave them behind without apology.
Number 3: Saying “NO” When You Need To
It seems to me that people have a hard time to say NO to others, either due to the power hierarchy in their lives or they simply do not want to present themselves as self-centered. Quite challenging, even statistics shows that people say YES more often than they say NO. And they say YES even around situations that they ought to say NO.
There’s a lot of power in the ability to say NO to things that don’t feel right for yourself. The problem with not saying NO to things you don’t want to do is that you end up doing it and hating both the activity and yourself for the position you find yourself in, when you would really rather be somewhere else.
You should never feel bad about saying NO in order to focus on yourself or on something that is important to you. This is one of the trait of successful people.
“But what if I seem disagreeable?”
Well yeah, It means you have finally taken control of your own life and you can focus on your own stuff. Studies show that disagreeable people dramatically outperform agreeable people both in their professional and personal lives. Being what only you consider a “nice person”, at the expense of everything else is just a dumb trade you should never do. Start saying NO and stop feeling bad about it! Say it with no apology. E.g NO. Not NO, I’m sorry. #smiles
Number 4: For Been Successful
Never say I’m sorry for your success.
There’s a weird trend going on these days, where some people shame others for the success they have achieved. That’s the last thing you’d want, to feel bad about being successful in life. You dont want to do that.
Our culture has a weird way of evolving, we should be celebrating success with every opportunity we have, because it doesn’t come easy. For everyone that makes it, there are usually another 9 people who tried, but weren’t smart enough, focused enough, disciplined enough or simply didn’t have what it takes to make it – and so they failed at what what you succeed. Successful people create wealth not only for themselves, but also for those around them and their environment, so we need more.
There’s a really great quote by Jay-Z on his last album that I personally embrace with my work here at DanielAjumobi.com as well that goes:
“Here we measure success by how many successful people are next to you,
Here we say you’re broke, if everybody’s broke except for you!”
If you are a success, wear it with pride. Do not condescend others, but inspire them with your example. Some people will get it, while others will remain ignorant in their own mediocrity. But who cares! #winks
Number 5: Spending Your Hard Earned Money on Things That Bring You Value
You need rewards in life to keep the game interesting enough so you keep playing. We use rewards to motivate ourselves to do better. Without these milestone rewards you would just lock yourself in a room and trade your time for money, playing for an imaginary high-score.
You should never feel bad about spending on things that you find valuable for yourself. The catch is to identify the difference between a good spend and just wasting money. It’s a subtle but important difference.
Number 6: Asking For Help
Life is complicated and you’re not gonna have all the answers. Not only it is ok to ask for help and guidance it is actually a mandatory part of your existence if you wish to make progress quicker.
What’s the alternative, you’ll make all of the mistakes yourself, repeatedly, until you figure out half a solution? Trust me you dont have the time.
That’s why you build your circle right so you know you can rely on them when you need to and they know they can rely on you.
For every problem you will encounter, there’s someone out there who went through the same thing and can tell you the quickest way to navigate it. You’re not a special snowflake, your circumstances are not unique, so do the smart thing and seek help or guidance so you can focus on the important things. And do it with pride, not feeling sorry asking.
Number 7: Telling The Truth
Not telling the truth is a dangerous place to find yourself in. It’s a never ending spiral that only brushes the shit on the floor under the carpet. The shit is still there, you’re just pretending it isn’t.
You should never apologize for telling the truth, no matter how dirty it is. Once it’s out and everybody knows it, you can all start dealing with it.
Telling the truth is a great point from which to completely restart your life, because if you live in the truth, there’s nothing else having control over you.
Number 8: Taking “Me” Time
You can’t go 24/7/365 every year until you die, you will burn out and that’s no fun for anybody.
Sometimes we just need to take some alone time to recharge or deal with personal things. It’s not a matter of not being there for other people, but as the flight attendant says, you need to take care of yourself first and then put the mask on your children.
The first step to helping others is helping yourself, so take that “ME” time and don’t feel bad about it. Come back when you’re stronger and ready to take over the world.
Number 9: Loving Someone
You can’t help who you fall in love with, because love is something that just happens. Sure you can grow a relationship, you can build layers on top of layers, but that initial spark, that happens – organically without you realizing it.
There are different types of love: there’s love of children, Love of self, Love of God, Love of a partner and at the end of the day, they’re all about Passion. When things come from a place of love, you shouldn’t apologize for them.
Number 10: Where You Come From
You are the result of your environment. You were born and infused with traditions, beliefs and experiences which are slightly different from everyone else.
You don’t have a say in where you are born and nobody is allow to hold you accountable for such a thing. Instead, we focus on the path we choose to take, one of growth, one of building yourself and you move on through life.
It’s not yours to say where you were born and how you were raised, but you bare the responsibility for where you live and how you raise yourself from that ground up!
Number 11: Calling Someone on Their Folly
Want to help someone? Call them out on their bullshit. Help them realize that they are actively eluding themselves, even if that person is yourself.
Although it might sound harsh sometimes, it’s the best gift you can give someone if you do it in a constructive way.
This ability to detect folly is a surprisingly valuable skill which can make the difference if you’re going to be successful or not.
All in all, you should start standing up for yourself and do what’s right for you on the long run.
I am curious to know: What’s one thing you regret apologizing for in life? Leave an answer in the comments below and lets share with the community of readers.
Cheers to your success.
Also published on Medium.